Battered Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence

Lazarus Sauti

Maxwell Svedhani (34), a father of two girls from Bhora Juru Growthpoint, Mashonaland East Province, is living a hell of a life as he is mentally, physically and also sexually abused by Runako, her violent wife of nine years.

“My wife hits me with her fists, kicks, burns, slams, punches, pushes and bites me in front of our children. On top of that, she oftenly threatens and intimidates me, denies me sex and food as well as locks me out of the house,” he said.

Svedhani added that his wife belittles his abilities and competencies, initiates name-calling insults, and silently treats him in addition to subverting his relationship with the children.

The battered man, who attempted homicide for four times, is suffering in silence and mostly fears for his children who are witnessing the violence as it is perpetrated by his wife on a daily basis.

“My major trepidation is that my two precious girls who are witnessing this violence in our home might develop significant anxiety, behavioural as well as emotional problems. I don’t know how best I can help them as I am also in great need of help,” he added.

Svedhani is also at unease to report his abusive wife to the police as he feels they will not believe or take him seriously.

“It is better to die in silence than to report to the nearest police station as police officers there are biased against men who report cases of gender-based violence perpetrated against them by abusive wives. I once tried to report, but they ridiculed me,” he said, adding that he is still in the relationship out of love for his children.

Svedhani added that since Zimbabwe has largely remained a patriarchal society, the community is not helping matters; in fact, “some members are bold enough in telling me that I am weak forgetting that women who abuse men, like my partner, are not much different from their male counterparts who abuse women.”

“I am not only being stigmatised socially, but I am now a laughing stock. Even children always mock me,” he added.

Nyepudzai Madzikatidze, a perpetrator of gender-based violence against his husband, says anger forces her to legally and administratively abuse her partner.

“My ex-husband married another woman and this forced me to abuse him. I refused him food as well as starve him sexually. Mostly, I used words which were few, but hurtful to inflict pain on him,” she said.

Sociologist Tendai Musunda says men indeed are victims of gender characters, and traditional gender roles confuse the matter.

“In our society, a ‘real man’ is expected to be able to ‘control’ his wife. Aside from the embarrassment over admitting abuse, abused men may feel that they are somehow less of a man for ‘allowing’ themselves to be abused. This forces most men to die in silence than opening up,” he said.

Svedhani’s issue is not a laughing matter as most men in this country are victims of domestic violence, though women constitute the biggest percent. This scourge is not only a problem in Zimbabwe, but in most countries in southern Africa as men are bleeding, but cannot get help.

In Zambia, for instance, there is an increase of men who are being abused by their partners too. Even in developed nations like the United States, more than three million men are the victims of domestic violence every year, and most assaults are of a relatively minor nature such as pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting, though many are more serious - and some end in homicide.

Human rights advocate, Simbarashe Namusi, argues that abuse of men is a human rights issue worthy of consideration in campaigns against violence.

He added that the problem is real and if ignored, it will become a crisis in future.

“Domestic violence against men is a human rights issue, and placing too much emphasis on girls and ignoring boys could reverse the gains made in tackling the gender agenda. The domestic violence system needs to treat violent couples as violent couples, instead of shoehorning them into the ‘man as perpetrator/woman as victim’ model,” he said.

Namusi added: “We risk having a society that has powerful women who will abuse men without any checks. That can threaten the development of communities.”

Counselor and psychologist Karla Ivankovich believes the culture of abuse needs a full shift in perspective.

“Gender-based violence against men is a huge problem – one that needs to be addressed with greater access to resources than what are currently available,” she said.

“Abuse is abuse. There is no point in which it is ok, especially to condone it for one sex and crucify the other. Anyone who is abused should be able to get help and should be able to do so in an environment that is not shameful or accusatory.”

Gender activist Natty Musanhu concurs. “Men have exactly the same rights as women to be safe in their own homes. This means families, friends and communities should be supportive of victims of sexual abuse and other forms of gender violence,” she said.

She added that cultural institutions should be preserved and everyone in the community, including traditional leaders should be involved in curbing gender-based violence.

“Cultural practices where people used to take their domestic problems to aunts (tete) and uncles (sekuru) should be cherished and practised as they were useful in curbing domestic violence,” she said.

Sharing the same sentiments, gender expert Emilia Hatendi, says as long as men don’t change that narrow narrative on issues of gender, it will be difficult to create a violence free society since “a violent free society can only be achieved if there are violent free homes.”

For media practitioner, Bornwell Matowa, men as victims of gender-based violence need to be visible in the media as it is the fourth estate which plays a crucial role in highlighting issues of discrimination against men.

“The media, as the watchdog of society, should seriously view men and women as equal human beings who are also equal partners’ with equal needs if the country is to win the war against all forms of violence against both men and women,” he said.

Development practitioner, Tendai Utaumire, also urges the development community to see men as more than a factor in improving the lives of women and expands their definitions and interventions to provide men who experience domestic violence the same care, support and resources as are advocated for women.

“Considering men and boys in humanitarian response is not only the principled action to take, but a vital part of the solution to end violence against boys and men as well as women and girls.

Humanitarian organisations should therefore include men and boys in gender and gender-based violence programming,” he said.

Though the law in Zimbabwe recognises that both men and women can be victims of abuse through the Domestic Violence Act (2007), lawyer Fungai Chiwashira says the current set up in the country was made with women in kind and so does not protect men.

He, thus, thinks it might be necessary to have specialised courts like children’s courts or victims’ friendly courts where the gallery is free if the country is to save men from gender-based violence perpetrated by women.

Human suffering is neither measurable nor comparable; therefore, society cannot assume that men feel pain less than women, nor that they can take care of themselves, says Mwila Agatha Zaza, a writer, editor and development specialist.

Zaza, who is also a gender and sexual rights activist, summed up that it is also key to remember that working to end violence against men in no way diminishes the fight against violence on women.